Had a quiet Christmas. Mostly spent plastering, waiting for plaster to dry and then painting it. With a little bit of replacing skirting boards for variety. Roger did the plastering because he knows how to do it. I did a bit and learned a lot from him but am not sure when I’ll ever use the skill.

Kids had a good christmas. Generally quiet.

I have finally found another job, starting on 22nd Jan. Sad to leave old job in some ways, particularly if it had been the job it was supposed to be in the first place.

Trying very hard not to take the mickey, but very hard because I don’t want to do any of the tasks I have been given. None of it is what I was supposed to be doing. I feel I’ve wasted the last two and a half years, not being able to give what I know I can and being forced into a role on the back of some broken promises. We’ll see how the new role shapes up. I’ve never been in such a ridiculous situation ever in all my working life. The CEO appointed an old friend in a role senior to me who did’t have developer skills so I got pushed into a development role. Ridiculous. Incompetent. Some other words I can’t put here. I’ll be glad to see the back of it all.

I sent my novel Archive Fragments off to a publisher and got it back. Had a long discussion with one of the human beings at work, who also writes, and I’m thinking I will restart it and look at the narrative punch. Also, if I can make it new again I wo’t be totally bored with it!

I made a traumatic discovery after losing my temper with Jon when he turned his back on me and walked away. After 40 years I’m still carrying round all the grief from my father’s suicide. Rejection makes me really angry. I’m quite scared of the powder keg but now at least I know it’s there. Carrying all this rubbish around is really boring, remembering it all is really boring too – these stupid habitual mental loops that just make you feel bad. Habits can be broken.