Because you’re worth it

Just fuck off Loreal!! Right now!! This should really read: You’re such a loser that the only thing you can do to make yourself feel better is slap some expensive stuff on your hair. Every time I hear this advert I feel insulted, I feel it belittles people. Sick of that Latin American lass with the nice bum telling me I’m worth it. I’m a bloke and my hair is getting thinner by the day. Go away. And you are’t worth it – you are better than it, much better!!! It’s worthless, just some stuff to make your hair and skin look nice.

I think I’ve been watching too much Channel 5.

Anti ageing creams

These do work, in fact the technology comes from some stuff that was created to help wounds heal more quickly would you believe. But I’m tired of worn-out actresses with too much foundation on in direct bright lights pretending they have no wrinkles at all shouting “I love you” into phones and running badly across cheesy film sets. Oh, yeah, and the the one where the very attractive dark haired woman plays with rubber balls while pretending to be too stupid to understand what the too-clever male voice is saying – why did this actress let these jokers belittle her sex like that? Money probably.

All of the smelly clothes stuff

Simpering women sniffing their clothes as they walk through streets – what do diamonds smell like anyway? 

The one where the woman books herself into a hotel and rolls around in her own clothes – weirdo.

The animated Bold ads – I just want my clothes to smell clean. And I hate the grinning animated figures – the look drugged out of their minds on something – your life is complete and happy if you stink of our weird chemicals that make you act like you’re about to orgasm – go away!! Don’t think so!!

Concentrated washing stuff

I’ve been a distributor for a well-known multi-level marketing company for years. Our stuff was always concentrated and has been for ever. It’s nice that you idiots have realised what damage you were doing to the environment but so what?

It does as much as a bottle that’s twice it’s size. Pardon? Not if the other bottle’s got the same stuff in it. Gibberish, unless it does exactly nothing.

The shampoo that’s got cashmere in it

Cashmere comes from shaving a goat; it’s used to make wool. How can it possibly be in a shampoo? What part of the goat is in it? Does it make you smell like a goat, or maybe its urine? Just another advertising lie. Stop it.

There’s more but that’s my top few.